The Crazy Kid Lady

Ok so we've all heard about the crazy cat lady right? Well after tonight I've decided that I'm going to be that way with kids. 127 kids, one house..... Bring it on! But that is just who I am. I want to rescue all the kids from the streets, from poverty, from abusive homes, from everything bad in this world. But guess what.... I can't! I am one person! And as a "Type A" that just tears me apart. I am definitely a "fixer" and I can't fix this. But.... I can help one child by hugging them, talking to them, or even just smiling. I am only 18, never had a boyfriend, don't have any prospects right now, but I do know one thing. I am going to adopt one day. I'm sure you are probably wondering what I did tonight. I served hungry people, mostly kids, in my community. Some were missing legs, some weren't all there mentally, some didn't have shoes. But before any of them ate, there was a small service, seeing as it was in a church. They got to hear about a God who loves them with an unconditional love, which ironically was part of the message. Isn't it amazing that some of the poorest people are the happiest? Tonight the man said something that has suck with me. He said, "My skin may be white and yours may be black, but that won't matter in heaven". Heaven doesn't know race, color, language, or any other boundary we, as people, have put into place. God's love extends to ALL people. That amazes me sometimes when I see people or hear about something on the news. God says to love everyone. Sometimes when you see that girl says something mean or that boy hit someone innocent, you think "God do you really mean them?". Yes, yes He does. Have you ever done anything wrong and felt guilty? Well then did you pray for forgiveness and felt free again? That is God showing His love to us. There are just some people, I have learned, that do not deserve any kindness, let alone love! God says to let Him love them through us.
Speaking of forgiveness.... Is there someone you need to forgive? Have you been holding a grudge? I am the Queen of Grudges and my sister will tell you;) But... When I do that, hold a grudge, the only person I am hurting is myself! The other person probably has no clue, ot they just don't care! You think "How is this person living happily when I am sitting over here fuming and hating them? Don't they realize what they did hurt me?" The answer is most likely, no. No they don't know you are mad or hurting over their actions. I know from personal experience. I was bitter at a person, a relative for that matter, for YEARS! And this person had, and still doesn't have, a clue! No idea that I was hurting over something, looking bad it was probably something stupid that little kids argue over. But I took my eyes off of what was important (Jesus) and started focusing on myself. Sure I talked to God still but it went more along the lines of: "Did you see what they said to me? Are you gonna punish them yet? Can I be there and watch when You do?". It took some tragedies and hard times before I finally realized something. You don't forgive the other person for the pther person's sake, you forgive to set yourself free from the trap of bitterness. I think that is why we have so many defeated and unhappy people in churches. Because they let something trivial come between them and another person. But I think what makes it worse, is the fact that they have no idea! You are sitting there, wondering how they can go to bed at night knowing what they did to you! It just sickens you right? Chances are, they probably didn't mean it the way it sounded to you. We've all been "that" person at least once, right? The one in a certain situation and you say something that totally doesn't even resemble what you meant? Trust me, I have.
It just so happened to take ALOT to get me to the point of forgiveness, BUT once I was there (and it's still a struggle sometimes) I felt.... Alive, free from a bond that had been wrapped around my heart for a long time. I finally ran home to God, because of that unforgiving spirit I had, I had moved away from God. I'll tell you my story another time, because while not a "on-my-deathbed-and-God-miraculously-saving-me" story, it is mine and I hope that someone can relate and I can save you a TON of heartache. I don't want to seem "preachy" but I don't want people, girls in particular, to have to go through the long and endless journey that I had. Until then, rememeber: If you look for affirmation and self-worth in other people, you will be extremely disappointed. Jesus is the only One who can fully fulfill the desires of your heart. People are just not that strong. Would you, as a human, want the responsibility for someone being happy ALL the time? Yeah, me either!
Hannah<3